Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
