Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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