Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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