Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
