she was so not down for the gang bang
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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