I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
