I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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