You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
