in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
where are you?
Hypothermia
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
