we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
