I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
