He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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