I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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