I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
