This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The power of my boobs compel you
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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