I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
