Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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