i may or may not be watching the land before time
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
