your parents love me but you hate me
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My dick has a subreddit
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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