I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
