I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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