I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
