Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
