I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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