i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
