Me too!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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