he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
