Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
