I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
