I want to make a zoo with you.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ladies don't puke and tell
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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