am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she smelled like a LAN party
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize