I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
