So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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