you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
