I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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