Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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