the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
