if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My ass is underappreciated
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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