she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
