let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
