my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
