Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
