don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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