I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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