matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
