Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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