I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
