i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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