instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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