the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We are two peas in an std pod
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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