He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My bed smells like the plague
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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