Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
