Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
