mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
