barbara walters just said penis...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
