we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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