I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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