I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
