I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
