I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
