Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have fence marks all over my body
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
