I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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