Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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