Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
