Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The best revenge is premature balding
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
