Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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