she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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