She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
