fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
