Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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