tell your sister to shave her snatch
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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