I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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