Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
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And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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