why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
