Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
