Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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