we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
